I found the response to my revision strategy essay to be well written, with distinct key points of my improvement such as, revising the thesis statement, and conclusion, and adding evidence to my essay. I found these points to be presented in an organized, well developed manner.
From a global stand point, the response is organized and easy to follow. The response is filled with great evidence on how to revise my essay such as, " I will say that, even in a revision strategies essay, you should try to
stick to the full essay format. For example, the revision strategies
essay is also missing a thesis statement. Your main body paragraphs give easily followed transitions (1:
organization, 2: topic sentences, 3: supporting evidence). However, your
thesis statement is “The writer may want to consider a more thorough
read through to make sure mechanics such as, grammar and punctuation are
correct." Unfortunately, this thesis statement does not address your
main topics.". This gives a great way to improve upon the thesis of my previous essay. Continuing on, I feel the evidence and organization was also included through the explanation of a conclusion, for example, "Consider this restatement a rubber stamp on the paper."
Moving on in the response, the lack of fully developed ideas, and having to jump between articles is brought to my attention. "Without reading the response essay, I do not know the specifics that you
are referring to. I would like you to explain to me why you have the
point of view you have". This is a good point, for some people may not have access to both articles, or what not. I felt you presented this idea in a well thought out fashion.
My final thoughts, would be how to present my own paper in my voice. As i read through your response, your voice came through with the directions.
In conclusion, I felt this was a well organized response, with few grammatical errors. Also, full of useful evidence as well as, ideas on improvement.
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